I was meant to tread the waters, but now I’ve gotten into deep. For every piece of me that wants you, another piece backs away. These are lines from one of my favorite songs by James Morrison. Yes, ladies and gents, the past few days have been quite rainy and rather gloomy. The heavy downpour has misplaced commuters all over Manila causing great ire and consternation from the general populace. But don’t let me digress. As I was saying, dark skies and afternoon lulls is a perfect recipe for nostalgia. When we are nostalgic, we.. umm ok myself, me, I tend to be schmaltzy. So without further delay let’s talk about love.
When I was in gradeschool we used to have this scrapbook that we pass around to our closest friends. This is usually an old book and pages are covered with colored papers where we have handwritten notes about ourselves, our likes, dislikes, and most importantly names of our crushes. This is actually a ploy so that when the scrapbook falls into the hands of the boy (or boys) we’ve been eyeing, then the declaration is clear and official. It’s sort of like saying, “Now you know, it’s time to make your move.” This is somewhat of a challenge or a come-on 90s style. These scrapbooks were like the FB of that era. We browse through the pages of our friends and see printed photos taken from a camera film. Most people go over the top and make their page an arts and crafts project filling it with scribbles, stickers, and glitter.
Now that I’ve become an adult, declarations of love don’t come easy. Fear of rejection and embarrassment start to creep in halting any plans of revealing even a hint of interest to the boy next door or to an unknowing friend. This made me think about the idea of love and being in love. It seems that love is not a sudden feeling of inclination, it’s not magic, it’s never for no reason. Love and being in love is a conscious decision. If you consciously will your mind to love someone, then you will love that someone. When you start to do that, you will see the person in a very different light because loving someone means acceptance of the flaws – the skin imperfections, the extra love handle, the sweaty hands, the grammar misses, the temper, the selfishness, and everything in between. You are open, accepting and forgiving. If you decide not to love someone then you will see every single flaw.
So my reflection for today is to love and to be in love, to make a decision and to make love declarations. Well that’s just a reflection so far. It’ll take a while to make these reflective thoughts into words, then into actions so don’t hold your breath waiting for my declarations of love anytime soon. Or am I?